13 balloons 

I had a bouquet made of 13 balloons. I got them because I wanted to make you feel how you made me feel when we shared our first honeymoon. I tried to hold onto them, like how you held onto me when I needed someone to be there. When I went out to fill them with air, I kept thinking about how I had found the spark that we would come to share. When I am with you, I feel like I have no care. 

I could reach for the sky, and you would still hold onto a part of me. I believed that our love had to come from mastery. How else could your eyes keep me in captivity without undressing me? Your mind sparked a fire within my soul that I could not douse. In front of you, I felt as shy as a mouse. In my mind, I’d build an imaginary house. 

As my thoughts carried me away, I’d dream of a future that maybe wouldn’t last. They say that when your heart starts to flutter, don’t lose control too fast! Some dreams were simply not meant to last.    I chased different dreams instead, keeping silent about how I felt. That’s when the first balloon went. It drifted up in the sky, out of my reach. Like the days I thought we would share until our breaths would run out. Yet, the only air I noticed leaking was from the second balloon. I was shocked that it happened so soon. 

While I hoped that the first balloon would at least reach the moon, I watched my second balloon deflate until there was just plastic garbage left from it. Those were the words you would later use to describe our relationship. Life can be so ironic, but the way you’d consume me with your charms had to be some form of toxic!

 Either way, I wouldn’t find out because by the time the third balloon went missing, you were gone. Those short moments we spent together lasted too long in my heart. Somehow, those dreams I once had fooled me from the start. I wanted to wear war paint on my face. I tried to slay all your insecurities until you finally remembered my taste. Things weren’t always great, but there was never a reason for hate. 

Not even when I came to you with my remaining 10 balloons, just because I wanted to see the smile on your face. I never intended to win or lose our case. I never meant for it to come this far. So, when you popped them all with your venomous words, I drove off in my car.

 I remembered the person I thought could understand me. Or was it all an act, so you could tell your friends back home that once upon a time, you held hands with me? Whatever the truth would be, it doesn’t matter. Because just like those 13 balloons, I am now free from the burden of always trying to make you happy. Just so you could do this to me?

 If you’d left with a gentle explanation, I would pack my bags with all the pride I had left. I’d forget the things we did that meant so much to me, like all the other secrets I kept. I would pretend that there was never a day that I wept. Not out of sadness, but out of forgiveness instead. Why did you come so close with promises of love, just to burn me on the inside until my heart bleeds red? Why did I deserve this? Was I another butterfly for your collection, someone you felt you had to capture?

 Couldn’t you leave my wings unharmed before you made up your mind to release me? 13 balloons, and all they did was find a way to escape gravity when all I wanted was for you to keep sharing that special love with me. And even if it would die out, all you had to say was the word, and I’d set you free. Just to see that smile on your face one last time.