A self love Letter to younger me.

            A self-love letter to the younger version of me

It was my birthday a couple of days ago, oké it turned out to be a couple of weeks since I wasn't able to finish this post right away after I started writing it. My readers who have been here ever since the beginning of this blog, know that traditionally I always write a birthday post. It's crazy how many different forms my blog has already had! What can I say? A perfectionist can never make up her mind! Although I try to be less hard on myself these days, I hope all of you have noticed the positive vibes that I now put into my writing. These letters that I keep writing to myself were a positive habit I created to vent and reflect on my growth as an individual. Sorry I had to delete all the old stuff. But I couldn't recognize myself in that girl anymore. Yet it doesn't mean that I have forgotten all about her, or the journeys I had to go through to get here in life. Wherever here is, since I am still figuring it out and learning as I go. I'm stepping into 28 as a content, happy and grateful person despite all my painful past experiences. I've grown to become a strong self-empowered woman. The shine seems to be very attractive, but trust me it was a process filled with pain and pleasure. A delicate combination the faint of heart wouldn't be able to handle.  

  I decided to pick up the tradition again after skipping a few years because your girl is heavily on these self-empowerment vibes with the journey she is going through and she hopes to inspire others. Self-reflection and growth are very important for this Queen. I wanted to share this story on my birthday itself but as I keep saying my life is very hectic. Although I do try to do everything I possibly can to make more time for my writing. I had an awesome couple of weeks celebrating my birthday. Because of Covid, I did it in a very different manner, I tried to make a little bit of time for all the special people in my life, and boom before you know it birthday week becomes birthday month and the budgeting skills automatically fly out the window. I had a little shriek running over last month's numbers. Well, we only live once and as a good friend of mine keeps saying " Carpe Diem". While seizing these small moments with the people I come to meet in my life an interesting thought came into my mind. Sometimes it's like I have a different life because no one really knows anything or much about me. They only know what I allow them to know or allow them to assume. Now I don't do this on purpose. It seems to be an introvert thing, and making people assume seems a lot easier than having to explain everything. Especially since I have the " Your opinion of me is none of my business attitudes", it doesn't help the situation very much. But I can't help it, I'm a poet, a wild soul, a phoenix, a badass queen, a boss, a rebel, and an outcast. I've always been different, and I've always felt content following my heart. Besides nobody knows anyone's story if you think about it. For in the end we all just end up seeing a glimpse of each other stories. Keeping this in mind I've come to realize that in the end, I am the only person who will know my story. I might not like sharing all parts of it, but it would make a kick-ass series of books filled with plot twists. Reflecting back on the last 28 years of my life, before old age finally gets at me bites me up the bum, and makes me forget everything, I wanted to at least write this down and pick up this old habit of writing self-love letters. That way when I get older I can at least look back to the younger naïve vibrant and energetic me on her journey while sharing lots of love with the past versions of me. Call me crazy, but I think that the future version of me will love these positive vibrations and will ultimately be thankful for them.

I like to see myself as a phoenix! Despite all my downfalls in life, I always managed to rise up from the ashes. Every time that happens I know that a better version of me emerges. In my life, I have learned countless times that one must turn to ashes before one can rise from the ashes. I carry that philosophy in my heart because obviously, I'm a survivor. Just like the rest of the human species. I've been through countless heartaches and indescribable experiences and each time I have gotten through them becoming wiser, smarter, and even more content with the life the universe provides me with. I realized that I had to walk through the fire to become it. This in return gave me the confidence and trust to have faith in the universe. But I am also someone who values privacy. So I admit that I'm guilty of not sharing a lot about myself, even in moments where it wouldn't be so difficult to find understanding. Yet I share this post with the rest of the world in the hope to inspire. You never know if somewhere around the world a little Sharona who feels so different from everyone else is reading this and might find hope. Because at a young age she probably couldn't understand why she was different compared to everyone else. The simple answer I have for you is to stop focusing on the why's and trust in the process of the universe. 

 

                                                    My parents holding me in their arms

I was born on the 29th of October 1992 as little Sharona JM Lieuw On but you, my readers know me as Shachem Lieuw, a pseudonym that I created for my writing. My father is an entrepreneur and my mother is a school teacher. To be honest I think I've inherited most of my qualities from my father. Especially when it comes to being business-minded. Growing up I saw my parents build up their small catering company into one of the best in its field. That gave me the confidence to know that anything is possible. The Lieuw family never shies away from a challenge. Ever since I was a kid I always knew I was different, and for a while, I hated myself for that. That hate is non-existent today, let me explain from the beginning. I had different interests than most of the other kids my age had. I used to get bullied for that, back then I had no words to describe who I was or why I was the way I was. But now that I am older and I've discovered a lot more about myself I found out that I like to spend time by myself in order to give shape to my ideas, innovations, and stories. The recharge time does me very well, I've also come to the conclusion that I've always been an idealist. Ever since I was a little girl I would always think of ways and solutions to make my country and the world a better place or to improve humanity. Ideas that I've come to implement in some ways and others I still strive to achieve. I have a bad habit of mostly putting others before myself. The good thing is I'm slowly learning how to place boundaries.

As a child, my family didn't always know how to deal with a kid who is different. So you can imagine that even I had no idea how to deal with myself and the different perspectives that I had. I always had a great imagination and countless ideas that I would even come to share with the so-called " important figures" in our society. Because young Sharona apparently wasn't afraid to speak her mind. In some cases, this would be a good thing and in some cases, it would be a bad thing.  One thing was for certain all the older people around me could see the potential that I couldn't. Why could I not see the potential? If you ever have been bullied you will probably understand. I mostly like being by myself or in a quiet corner because I didn't feel that I could talk about the things I loved and adored with my peers. I always used to be a book nerd and I loved learning. But young Sharona realized from the first day that she ever attended a school that nobody likes a know it all. I don't want to talk about it because it was a painful journey for me. I even got bullied by my own teachers who kept underestimating me. They always would say that the things I wrote or made could not possibly have been written or made by me. Having to continuously disprove them undermined my confidence. Every time I made an amazing report, it felt like it was something to be punished for. I guess most people underestimate me because I'm also quiet and I don't look like someone who knows how to think. Or at least that is what my friends often say, a good friend of mine keeps mentioning that if he didn't see how I did on this course I did he wouldn't think I was smart either. One time I wanted to borrow a book about Napoleon Bonaparte from the school's library. The teacher told me that I wasn't allowed to borrow it. I asked her why? She told me that I wasn't going to read it! I immediately disapproved. I always loved history and at that time I had a strong interest in Napoleon Bonaparte. I had to bargain with her until she agreed to lend me it if I could do a presentation about it in about two weeks. It was a 2500 pages book. At that time I was 13, everyone expected me to suck at the presentation. Well, I can tell you 2 weeks later their jaws dropped. I don't talk a lot, but when I do I certainly know how to make jaws drop. Since then I was allowed to borrow any book I wanted. A couple of years later my little brother told me that the same teacher has a magazine with my picture on the cover in that same library. How ironic life can be! Never knew it would turn out this way. Anyway, not all teachers were as kind and motivating, and supportive. I can count the few of them on my fingers. But the ones that were could certainly see my potential and motivate me to actively participate. But the ones who kept punishing me or psychologically wanting to torment me alongside my bullies broke down my self-esteem to 0. I came to understand that society values images more.  So I stopped trying, what's the point anyways? Now I'm writing this I realize I've probably been an outcast all of my life. So I learned not to share myself with the world, and not sharing myself meant that I had to go through a lot of tough times on my own. 

Sharona Lieuw On during a meeting.


I had a strong desire to grow up fast and become independent as soon as I could. Because I often got the impression that being young meant that no-one would take me seriously at that time. As I'm growing older I'm learning a lot about life. The most important lesson I recently learned is to accept myself and love myself for the person I am. After all, it's not my fault God made me this way. I started writing at an early age, it has been a passion of mine to create stories and I've written some amazing stories even if I say so myself. I would write fairy tales well before I could properly spell in dutch my native language. But I never knew that it would become a passion I'd pursue. Ever since I was 12 I wanted to actively participate in organizations and projects that I thought would help make the world I live in a better place. This led to me building up an impressive c.v. compared to most kids living in my country my age. A headstart that came in very handy while I'm building up my career and professional life. It taught me skills that are very handy to this very day. Now I am not perfect and not everything was smooth sailing. Nevertheless, I am proud of my journey for it has shaped me into this amazing self-loving woman who is determined to do her part in this universe. As I gained more experience I've also come to realize that everything in the world happens for a reason. Some of my greatest achievements in life have come after my hardest failures in the most unexpected ways. I've accepted that in life you can't control the universe. So I just mostly wing it, and I can't complain about the path that the universe has brought me on. I've had moments in my life where I had a lot of pressure on my plate and even some depressed and sad moments. I've lost people I loved and cared about but I also gained a lot of awesome friends and advisors in my life who follow me on my journey. They motivate me to be strong and to keep going. I've also had moments where it felt like I was all alone in the world. Yet it was in these moments that I could freely explore my own mind and strength. Now that I think about it, all the down pits in life are the reason I found myself. Now I stand before the world a million times more confident in myself and content with who I am. So remember it doesn't matter who you are, if you're going through a tough chapter in life it doesn't mean the story is over. After all who would like a story without any plot twists? It's overcoming the struggles in life that make the journey as interesting as it is. 

Visiting Braamspunt with new friends that I made

I've had countless of failures in my life, after all I am only human. But I have to keep pointing out that without failures success is not possible.  My life has been one big adventure and if one little detail went different I would not have come across so many amazing people. Or I wouldn't have gotten the great opportunities that presented themself on my path. I would probably not even be writing on my blog right now. When I started this blog 10 years ago it was just an outlet. I'm proud of what it has become. I hope my message inspires all the young people that look up to me and others as well that it doesn't matter what you go through in life. That we all have our down moments and that succes is only perceived from one side. The climb wasn't meant to be easy. Keep going, keep being strong and most of all never lose faith in yourself. Name one person that hasn't had to struggle in their life? I dare you! And I bet that even when you think of a name , the moment you confront the person with this they will see it as an insult.

As I mentioned before I started doing a lot of things at a young age. I've came into contact with thousands of people on my journey. If there is one thing I've come to learn is that we shouldn't be quick to judge someone by their appearance. After all everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about. We all have to face our own challenges. I hope that on your own journey in life you take a long the good and the bad and that you keep striving to become a better version of yourself. But unfortunately, humanity will always remain judgemental, it's a part of human nature in most cases. So remember no matter how the world views you, no matter what people do or do not say about you. You are the only one who knows your story. A message I wish to pass down to the younger version of me. I want to tell her that I think that she is amazing, brave, and smart and that she shouldn't listen to the critics of insecure people who try to pass their insecurity down to her. Queen you are golden, brave and have a bright future ahead of you. I am happy with who I am at this moment. I've also come to realize that it doesn't matter what you do, people will always try to find an imperfection in you just to cover their own. For example, I recently lost a lot of weight. Now people tell me that I looked better when I had more meat on my bones. But before when I had more weight they would also say that it wasn't a good look for me. Lesson learned? It doesn't matter what you do not everyone can like you or who you are. We seem to be a superficial race in these modern times. The important thing is that I do what I want to do for myself and not for anyone else. Because I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself. Life is after all short and I'm trying to make the most out of it. I feel free and happy and I'm glad that I've come to reach this point. I appreciate who I am and every part of my past. The steps that I have taken in the past have led me to this future and I cannot wait to see how I'll turn out in the future. I haven't even hit 30 yet and it's already been a wild adventure. So I would like to toast to myself and the person I've become! I know that this peace that I live with will guide me towards a great future. 

Sharona Lieuw On and her best friend during an interview

And while I'm slowly but surely building my empire I'm thankful for the people I have in my life that support me through thick and thin. I am happy to have met so many good people and I'm glad that my bad moments have made those who aren't good for my growth, mental health, and well-being show themselves out. Because a real Queen takes care of her people and the last thing I need in my life is fake people dining at the table.  Younger Sharona I am so proud of you for being strong enough to carry me to this point in life. I am so proud of who you are and who you are becoming. I'll carry your wisdom in my heart as I continue my journey. Keep smiling and don't be afraid to let your light shine!

Visiting Tap A watra falls in Suriname