Live For Yourself

 

Whenever I want to escape the demanding people and the rest of the world around me, I find myself resorting to writing. That's how I ended up creating Story Time. In moments like this, I end up entertaining you guys.😂😝It's been a while since I wrote a blogger note. Lately, I've been struggling to keep up with my blog. Telezuur doesn't make it easy either. But while I'm working on producing those Story Time episodes for you, I've decided to give my blogger notes and free stories more attention. I've never been the one to shy away from giving people free advice. Although I must admit that sometimes it might be better to keep quiet and observe! After all the things I've been through, I realized that some words that pop up in my mind shouldn't disappear with me. If you are reading this, I'm going to give you some heavy things and tools to unpack. The older I get, the wiser I become That has an extra kick to it, if you were already a wise ass from a young age!😂😂 But at the same time I'm also naive in a lot of other areas. Especially when it comes to giving love to others. In the entire process of being there for others, I forget myself. That my friends is a quick recipe for heartbreak. But those moments of disappointment have given me insights into the deeper meaning of life. It also helped me discover more things about myself. I like to consider myself a philosopher and idealist because I'm always busy with big questions in my mind. During my younger years that made me feel like an outcast. Somehow I got dragged on this wild unbelievable adventure that got to shape my life. I never imagined that things would turn out this way. But I'm glad they did! When people see me, they often tend to make judgments! That's always been the story of my life. So you get used to it! Living in Suriname, I grew up with people throwing their judgments at me. From the elementary school teacher who thought I couldn't speak Dutch because I'm quiet! So she went on saying: " Oh, the Javanese girl doesn't speak Dutch. She probably only speaks Javanese at home!". Gasp, the struggle of being born a mixed baby in a time when that wasn't so common was real! Javanese people don't even see me as one of them. I've been called black in numeral ways in their language. Imagine that teacher her shocked face when she finally found out that my vocabulary was higher than the rest of my classmates. Back then Surinamese teachers didn't know what introverts were. Neither did I, thank goodness for the modern-day internet! When I think back about my childhood, I'm just shocked at all the trauma I survived. Being left-handed runs in my family. But back in those days (gosh, sounding like my grandma 😭😭  breaks out in millennial tears.) it wasn't a good thing to be a lefty! In school, I was always forced to write with my right hand. Somehow, that was always a painful disaster. It just didn't feel right for my body and gut! That was the first time I was taught to ignore my gut. Simply because people said it wasn't normal. My teachers would scream in my face that your left hand is for wiping your ass not for writing! Maybe if they knew I type these days, the duality would make them feel better.😂

Because I've always been a curious person, I like to read a lot and gather information on all sorts of educative topics. Hey, once a geek always a geek! I guess back then people weren't informed about left-handed people. I'll leave that information up to you and your next Google search!😅 To this day, I can't write with my right hand if I need to use a pen. I tried to fight it in my childhood, but it turned out pointless. It's just a part of who I am and I can't change that for anyone. No matter how hard I try! So why should I bother worrying about other people their judgments? I had to learn the hard way to start living for myself.😪 I've crawled mountains for people who claimed that I was thinking about myself 😞. As if I don't have my own life to live! That's when I finally got the message to think of myself and the life I want to live. 💖With that new focus in life, my healing journey elevated to a new level. They say that you have to crawl through the worst before reaching the top. Well, I'm wiping the bloodstains from my hands clean on my old rags. The rags represent my humbleness and the blood is my sacrifice for the top. Lately, some people have been calling me luck 🤣. I thought it was just funny. You are just judging a part of my life that you see on social media. But the tone of that remark only inspired me to share more of my authentic self. 💖 I don't live my life to please you. I live my life to please my creator. By his/her grace life will show me love. My secret is that I see the positive in everything. Where there is destruction, creation follows. That's after all the law of the universe. Even when planets and stars die, they give life to others to continue their legend in space.🚀 That's why I enjoy stepping into my mental U.F.O. and taking a stroll to the other side of life. It is indeed a precious and diverse gift. Sometimes I think 🤔 we spend too much time judging others and worrying about unimportant things that we forget about the many marvels this universe has in store. There is so much to explore with the little time that we have. That's why my time is precious to me. I've learned to not be so generous that I don't have any left for myself. All it took was those heartbreaks for me to get here. My soul is a wanderer and it's exploring each experience. Grateful for the good and the bad I have trust in the events that brought me here. For some marvelous reason, they also landed you in this story. May this be your daily reminder to start living for yourself? Trust your instincts over the judgments of others. A happy man can never be a fool, but a fool can be a happy man. 😏😉☕Keep an eye open for my upcoming self-love articles and Story Time episodes. As always the pleasure has been mine until our next Story Time together. 🥰

Shachem Lieuw