When you broke my heart

When you broke my heart it stung in ways I never saw coming. Your actions were sharper than the words that you spoke. No blade could fillet my heart as skilled as your eyes flickered when you planted those lies in my ears. Sometimes I wonder if when you were shopping for your victims, you came across my face and thought to yourself that this would be another smooth cut, like gliding through butter! In humbling myself down so I can stay grounded in this world, I forgot to show you the other side of me. The evolved version of me, I guess sometimes I get so lost in adapting myself to all these vibrations around me that I get enchanted by my own tunes. Amused as I am, my crown that weighs heavy on this thinking mind keeps my vision straight. What a gift and a curse it can be to be so deeply understanding.   I know that dealing with a soul like mine can be very confusing. But darling could you blame me for all the illusions that you started entertaining? And I played the role of the willing victim that slipped right into your stories.  Why you must be wondering? Was it to keep silent about our hidden suffering? I have kept silent about many things that my eyes glided by. But I was not once struck in pain by your lies or false cries. Instead, like a detective standing behind a one-way mirror I observed your every move. Therefore even when you were at a distance from me, I could always see you through my reading glasses. No wonder I kept reading your pages out of curiosity. The more I turned them over, the more I got lost in my feelings of joy for you.

Your heartbeats I could trace even among masses. But still, like a ghost in the dark night, I left you haunted without a proper sign. That was never my intention. But I guess you must have forgotten that I never could see your being as a possession. I believe hearts were meant to be free. One of the very first thousands of lines that I wrote since the little girl that became me started writing poetry.  How could a creative like me keep your actions in captivity? Instead, the whole time I stood by you, I was swooned by your intent. I know that from the outside it seemed to be so wrong in different ways. Still, I kept entertaining it for many days. Just because I could understand and hear your heart. I knew that when you broke my heart, you didn't mean to. I knew that when you tried so hard to cover up the truth it was because of the guilt you were feeling.  You were like a fish out of water, so out of place. But I am a queen darling, so I'll throw you back into the water with kindness and grace.  As you keep swimming against the current, you'll miss the way my love taste. I don't deal with drama, and as we danced into the night once upon a time, I remembered you telling me how impossible our love would be. Because our positions were too different for the world to see. I smiled because I knew that at that moment I just wanted to enjoy the moments we still had. But also because you didn't see the sparkling diamond crown that lit up my way and guided me straight into your arms. As you thought you had me swooned by your charms like you do with most. I do find out one truth, and that is that the thing that you valued the most in our love, made you keep looking for ways to fulfill my needs. You were overcompensating and the cost thereof was that the fun days seemed to approach their end. Not for one moment, did I feel like I had to pretend. I enjoyed being this authentic beautiful loving being that got to share her vibrant spark with someone who shined. With someone who understood that her mind was one of a kind. I gave you my unconditional love. But you kept looking for faults and imperfections forgetting that the world is filled with imperfections and faults.  When you broke my heart I still wished you the best. When you broke my heart I put my pain to rest. And as I head back to rule my empire, I look back and smile. It was fun getting to enjoy who you are for a while. I'll treasure these memories of passion, love, sharing, kindness, and understanding as I leave my pain at your doorsteps. Feel confident that the loving words that came after my sweet kisses you won't forget.